is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
