I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He better not be in your backpack
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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