She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
