you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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