Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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