sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
