At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
