So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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