i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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