saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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