I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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