She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
