I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
