I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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