champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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