every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
