allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
