why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
