I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
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