dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
ttyl tear gas
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
