i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
