She went from zero to smokin in five shots
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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