how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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