I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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