I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
