I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
