Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
