Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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