There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
