hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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