if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
