I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
