i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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