just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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