all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
