well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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