You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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