why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
