I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
