you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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