omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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