Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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