Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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