I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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