im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
