Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
