While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
