Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
