I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
