8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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