Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize