that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
