I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
