I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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