I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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