I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Found your dick twin last night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
