I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
