How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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