There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he shaved USA in his pubs
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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