The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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