I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
