he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
