i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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