YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
