If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
