I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
