What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
