How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
