Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
