so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
