She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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