I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
