I skipped work to stalk him.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
