His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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