I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
