Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
