i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
