Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
