just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
